Should you be a friend with your children? While at first it sounds nice and even "cool", this is a very bad idea that will create a lot of problems in the future.
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Parents have two roles in child's life: emotional and functional. When a mother is feeding her baby, changes diapers or talking before sleep, she is doing two things: emotional (holding) and functional (feeding). To have a healthy child the both functions must be present. Imagine for example just love with no function and you'll see a loved but hungry kid. Imagine just function without emotions and you'll see a baby with clean diapers but without love at all.
As the kid is growing, the parent’s role is shifting more toward functional and that's understandable because the child is starting its own life. With that change, the parent changes too. The role is changing from changing diapers to telling that homework must be done to imposing a responsible behavior. And that's where problems may start.
First, it is easy to fall in a trap of thinking that the child is in fact a small adult. Well, this is not true. Children are different persons, evolving persons, and there are many things they don't understand.
For example, they don't understand "I have no idea when my boss will pay me," but they do understand "Mommy has no money for that toy." The first sentence you can tell to your friend and he'll understand exactly what you are trying to say but your child won't.
The fact is that the child is not intellectually prepared to be your friend because the difference in age is too big. Twenty years is not much if we are talking about 60 and 80 years old people, but it is in the case of 30 and 10 years old.
Second, it's easier to be a friend than a parent. When your kid comes from school and tells you "My teacher gave me 20 pages to read," you can say as a friend "Well, that sucks." That much easier than take a stand and say "Well, that' a lot but that has to be done. I was doing it too in school, so go on and do it." That second sentence means a possible conflict and that's why some people will not choose it.
However, conflict is necessary, just ask any parent that has a teenage child. But, without a conflict and firm stand, problems are on the way. One of the parent's roles is to keep the authority and teach children to follow the rules. If you teach your kid to go against authorities, don't be surprised when you start to hear "no" to every request of yours, you taught it that.
Then, it should be clear to your kid that it can say that it likes and dislike things but that the decision is on you. To ban children to say their opinion is plain wrong, but to allow them do decide about everything is also plain wrong.
While you can always say to your friend "OK, do what you want," to your child you should say "OK, here's what we will do..." If you don't agree with your friend you can always say "OK, whatever," but that same sentence you kid should never hear. You must make a decision, sometimes you'll be right, sometimes wrong, but you must make it. That way, your kid will also learn the importance of making decisions and that a few bad won't ruin their life.
And then, some parents wish to raise their children the way their parent didn't. Remember that it's not important was your parent bad, good or so-so, your duty is to do your best for your kid and left your past behind.
You were treated badly? Well, so what? That's past you can't change and it should influence your behavior in a way to allow your kid everything. You had all you ever wanted? Again, so what? Your kid must learn to earn things and favor, not to get everything on a plate. In short, don't do things thinking how you were treated because that leads to problems.
And in the end, don't forget that you kid is growing up day by day. So, forget "I want to hear all!" because that it not a normal behavior. Every one of us, you, I, your kid, has feelings, thoughts, fears, loves, and an inner worlds that shouldn't be shared with all.
You will hear who's your teenage daughter love when she decide, who's your son's sympathy when he think it's appropriate to say, and who was their best friend yesterday but not today. To demand to know everything is to demand to leave the person with no emotional protection and to tell everything to everybody.
And this is, you will agree, a very bad idea because your kid will not learn that all people are not flowers, nice and beautiful and that can cost them a lot.
Remember that you and your child are not equal as friends should be, you are the leader and you should act as one. You will make a few wrong decisions along the way but that's parenting: doing your best and hope for the best.
So, when your kid comes home next time with "My teacher sucks!" one of the good answer is "Well, maybe is, maybe isn't, but you must do that homework." And then go out for a beer with your friend of equal age and talk about around beer for hours if you want. ■