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Studies that hurt my brain, Part III

Staff writer |
God's ways are mysterious but those mysteries seems to fade in comparison with some scientists and their brilliant ideas that hurt everyone's brain but theirs. Let's take a look at moustaches, dropped cat, and troubles with raincoats.

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For the start we'll quote a part of the research on knowledge. It goes like this: "The study revealed that the results of theoretical knowledge value model application and the perceived value of knowledge coincide, highlighting the major role of one specific category of knowledge, namely knowledge about / generated through the application of quality management." Got it? If not, don't worry, the author is probably the only person on this planet that understands.

Now, let's move to a more serious subject: electromagnetic radiation. As you know, that can be a nasty thing if taken in large amount. So, any research investigation effects of radiation is welcome, isn't it? Well, no. You'd think that you need some kind of protection mechanism to guard you against radiation but no - it's good enough if you have moustaches! The paper: "Dosimetric Investigation Of The Solar Erythemal UV Radiation Protection Provided By Beards And Moustaches". The verdict: Drunk as a skunk.

No luck with knowledge, no luck with radiation, so let's move to domestic animals. They are cute and fluffy and make our life brighter which can't be said for research about them. Take, for example, cats. An Italian scientist - yes, he has Ph.D. letters attached to its name - wrote a paper about dropping a cat upside down. He started at six feet and went down to one foot.

He dropped the cat 100 times from every height and concluded that the cat always landed on its feet except when dropped from one foot. The purpose of that study? The only reason we can think of is to scare a poor cat by dropping it hundreds of times. And to waste someone else's money along the way. While at animals, we must mention the title "Histogenesis of the Vagina of the One-Humped Camel". That maybe have some implications on one-humped camels, although we can't think of one, but generally speaking it's like observing egg growing in white chicken only. Quite useless.

Now, it seems that in New Zealand they have some serious issues with raincoats. And we mean serious. A scientist conducted study a study about raincoats and their ability to keep out the rain. The study "Raincoat: a creative consideration of urban rainwear" ends with "I could not buy a raincoat that signified urbanitity and was also comfortable to wear. In addition, I could not buy a raincoat that would offer significant protection from the rain."

Who on Earth is willing to give money to the scientist who can't find a raincoat in the whole country "that signifies urbanitity"? Significantly stupid investor, it seems. Probably the same one who funded "Organizations would be more efficient if they promoted people at random" and study of fish farts. The later is probably his nickname.

However, in some cases it seems that scientist subconsciously admits that the study is conducted pro-forma and doesn't bring anything important to the society. After studying some unknown phenomenon involving the light going too fast, researchers wrote the paper "Can apparent superluminal neutrino speeds be explained as a quantum weak measurement?" and concluded "Probably not." A short and honest conclusion.

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